Who am I when no one is watching?
Beyond my name, my roles, and everything others believe about me. What remains?
Narration generated with a synthetic voice.
In the evening, after all the doors have closed, a kind of quiet remains that the day never knows. The phone stops ringing. I no longer have to answer anyone. And then, for a moment, I can hear my own thought.
Who am I when no one is watching?
The first answer comes quickly. My name. The things I do. The people I mean something to. But those are the answers I give others. I do not know whether they are the answer I am looking for myself.
Am I the child I used to be? I still remember a fear in a dark room. I still recognise that joy without a reason, when a summer day seemed never to end. But the child would not understand all my choices. Perhaps I do not understand them either.
Am I what I have done? Then I would have to be both the kind gesture and the word I wish I could take back. The courage of one morning and the retreat of another. I cannot choose only the parts I like.
Sometimes I think I am the story I tell myself about myself. A story I keep changing so that I can live inside it. I remember an event differently. I forgive something. I hide something else. And, without noticing, the person in the story moves a little.
But what if I did not have to define myself so quickly?
I look at the sea. It does not seem concerned with explaining what it is. It comes, withdraws, returns. I need words for almost everything. Perhaps some things within me exist before I find a name for them.
I do not know who I am in full. I only know that today I could listen to someone without interrupting. That I missed someone. That I made a mistake and noticed it. That light can still surprise me.
Perhaps the question is not asking me for a definition. Perhaps it is asking me to pay attention.
Tomorrow I will step into my roles again. I will answer when I am called. But tonight I can sit here, without having to prove anything. One person, beside a question.
And, for a few moments, that is enough.
Now stay with yourself for a moment.
What do you think?
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